Finding Equipoise

It’s about time…

Equipoise — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 03:31:21 +0000

It’s about time I go ahead and officially move the site. I tried doing a couple posts in both places and it ended up being too much of a pain. I am happy with typepad and my lovely readers have loyally followed me there. So, if you happen to stumble upon this little site, we have moved! The new site is:

http://findingequipoise.typepad.com

Thanks, WordPress, for getting me started, and thanks to everyone for following me.

Fertility Journey

Equipoise — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 04:36:38 +0000

Wow, I can’t believe how long it has taken me to get on here and write about the test results. As you know, Mr. Equipoise submitted his “little swimmers” to the lab last Monday to have them tested. Well, on Friday I called the doctor to find out the results. The doctor said that, overall, he was happy with the results. The motility (their sense of direction and movement) was really good, he said, and the forms (as in how well they’re formed and whether or not there are malformed or dead ones) looked good. The only problem they could see was the lab was unable to determine the sperm count as the sample was viscous (sticky). The doctor said this was solvable by running the sperm through a small needle to separate them and that would solve the problem. But first, he wanted to do a test on me.

The test is called a post coital (after intercourse) and basically they want to test the cervical mucus and the sperm 3-15 hours after intercourse- during your most fertile time- to make sure the sperm aren’t being killed by the cervical mucus, and also that the sperm are not too viscous to make it through the cervical mucus. So, I had to pee on a stick for the last couple of days to find out when I am most fertile (ovulation kit to test for my lh surge). I peed on a stick Friday…faint purple line, deep purple line…nope. Saturday- peed on a stick: two purple lines, but the test line still wasn’t as deep as the control line. Today, after being told by my hubby to “go pee on a stick”: two purple lines…called the doctor- on his cell phone because we have to schedule an appointment within the 3-15 hour time frame- voice mail.

Oh well, hopefully he’ll call sometime tomorrow. At least I’m done peeing on a stick for this month!

Announcing…and asking for help!

Equipoise — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 20:46:50 +0000

The site has officially moved! I will continue to post in both places for a couple more weeks…but I am pretty certain typepad will be the new home of my weblog. For now, I will post the url here and in the “announcements” section so you can click and view the new page. It is http://findingequipoise.typepad.com. Please update your information…or, if you want to be safe, you may wait until I close this site down for sure.

Also, I need your help on the new page. I need to make sure the header is viewable by everyone and that the site design looks right on everyone’s computer. Will you leave a comment on the new site and let me know? I’d really appreciate it! Thank you blogging friends!

Follow up on What do you think?

Equipoise — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:20:25 +0000

Not too long ago, I wrote a post (“What do you think?“) asking my blogging friends to give me their insight into what they thought my poem meant. Well it’s time to reveal the meaning of my poem. Haha, “reveal”, I thought it would be more difficult, but the first and only person to comment hit it right on the nose. I figured I would repost flossy-p’s comment for you to read first.

Flossy-p said, “Wow, it’s powerful, and sad and frustrated. It’s about realising (for another month) that you’re not yet pregnant, right? It’s about the sadness that brings, and about trying to feel that it’s manageable when it’s actually not. Trying to hold your despair in and keep it in proportion, when to you it feels anything but. It’s hard to get through that day.

I love the second last line, and the last line bringing you, with a thud, back to the present moment, torn away from thinking of the happiness the future promises.”

Thank you flossy, for your insight into my words and also for your kind words of reassurance, as well as your advice. I wrote “Red” a couple months ago on the day I found out that, once again, I was not pregnant. I hadn’t written a poem in ages, but picked up a peice of scratch paper and let the words flow. What was created was a documentation of my exact feelings of “failure and depression” that I am constantly trying to mask as I try to put on a brave face. In the end all I really want is to “look a bit into the darkness” and know if/ when it will happen so the stress will be relieved by a gauranteed end-result. Unfortunately, creation doesn’t work that way. So for now I will create poetry and photos and try “not to think about it” (as everyone advises) and hope it will happen soon.

Think Warm Thoughts!

Equipoise — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 21:17:55 +0000

Photo by Shandra: ” I took this picture on the Moab Rim Trail overlooking the Colorado River.”

It is snowing today- yes it apparently snows in the middle of April in Utah- so I decided to post something that inspires me and make me think warm thoughts. My friend Shandra took this picture while she was down in Moab, Utah a couple weeks ago and I just thought I’d share. Enjoy!